Saturday, 20 August 2016

An Open Letter to My Ex-Best Friend

Ashley Benson & Shay Mitchell // image credit here

To my former best friend:

Some of the best times that I’ve ever had were with you. From girls’ nights in, to drunken shenanigans to swiping through Tinder together. I had some really, really good fucking times with you.

Unfortunately, as I grew up, I came to realize that you were no longer good for my mental health. I loved hearing about your wild adventures, your boy drama and anything you wanted to talk about. That’s what best friends are for, right? I always felt a need to be there for you when instead, I needed to be there for myself. I felt myself burning out from constantly listening to your problems instead of focusing on my own. I slowly felt my anxiety coming back and my self-love going away. In order to build myself back up again, I needed to focus my attention on me instead of you.

I am aware of how terrible of a person I sound right now, you’re probably thinking “Jesus Felicity, you’re always thinking about yourself instead of others”. That’s not true though. You always wanted me to be your priority, instead of other things going on around me. You expected to come before my professional life, my romantic life and my relationship with other friends. I understand some of them, but my career and my other relationships should be a priority as well. When I didn’t drop what I was doing to answer your texts, or I would simply read your text message and not respond, you would become agitated. I understand that I am a person who usually reads texts and responds immediately, but there are some instances where I was just simply unable to. I’m a people pleaser, but sometimes I burn myself out trying to please everyone; including you.

I was constantly driving back and forth to see you since you don’t have a car because I am someone who tries to please everyone. However, my family wasn’t pleased because they never saw me. I feel as though I was the one constantly putting forth the effort to hang out; and you would have the snarkiest of remarks if I didn’t want to come up to see you. There’s a difference between being respectful of a long-distance friendship and being negative about it because trust me, I missed you too.

I don’t want to dwell too much on the past, I feel as though we both made mistakes in our friendship. I didn’t stop talking to you because I hated you, but because I wasn’t spending enough time focusing on my personal issues and that wasn’t okay. I hope wherever your life takes you, it ends up positively; I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future.


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